We All Need a Laugh

(Because, sometimes, if you don't laugh; you'll cry.)

What do you get when you divide the circumference of your jack-o-lantern by its diameter?


Pumpkin Pi!


http://www.jokes.com/stand-up-search/jokes/tag/whatever





~Tips for Traveling in the South~

--If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth eating.







-- If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel-drive truck with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help, just stay out of their way -- this is what they live for.







-- Don't be surprised to find boiled peanuts, movie rentals and fishing bait in the same store.

~And cold Coca-Cola in little glass bottles. They taste AMAZING!~







-- Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.







-- Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

(My mom had to translate for me, when I was a child.)







-- If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" -- stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.







-- If you see a turn signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.







-- Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. They are to be positioned directly in front of one's trailer, since it cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.







-- As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember: many Southerners learned to drive on a John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.







-- You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.


http://www.jokes.com/funny/blue+collar/tips-for-traveling-in-the-south





~An Easy Ridde~


Q:If a cowboy rides into town on Friday, and three days later, he leaves on Friday, how does he do it?

A: The horse's name is Friday.

http://www.jokes.com/funny/blue+collar/traveling-on-friday

~Right of Way~

Q: Who has the right of way any time?


A: The car with a gun rack and a bumper sticker that reads "Guns don't kill people, I do."

http://www.jokes.com/funny/blue+collar/right-of-way

~Computer Language~

What is the first programming language you learn when studying computer science?

Profanity

http://www.jokes.com/funny/whatever/programming---------





~Airplane Humor~

An airplane pilot had had a particularly difficult flight and a rough landing. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile and give them a ''Thanks for riding Delta Airlines.'' But, in light of his bad landing, the pilot had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, ''Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?''
''Why no, Ma'am,'' replied the pilot,'' ''what is it?''
The little old lady said, ''Did we land or were we shot down?'''

http://www.jokes.com/funny/whatever/airplane-humor